Suffer the little children…and suffer we did, and still are.
I sit here in front of my computer and stare at a Towards Healing Pack that has been sent to me from the Catholic Church.
Do the Catholic Church truly believe that their Towards Healing Programme is going to heal the damage they have done to me and the many thousands of others?
You don’t heal from these atrocities.
You don’t go anywhere near ‘Towards Healing’.
There is no peace, no calm, no amount of praying and faith that will ever give us – the Survivors of Abuse at their hands – any kind of healing…and if they don’t understand that by now…they never will.
I am a 50 year old woman who lives in Australia, and I have received my Towards Healing pack. For those of you who don’t know what Towards Healing is, it’s a large document that the Catholic Church send to you as their way of making up for all the wrong doings their representatives have committed in the past.
How out of touch and ridiculously naïve the Catholic Church are.
Healing from what they took from me and did to me will never happen. They took the one thing I had left to clutch onto in this world. My faith in God. What they did to me will come.
After years of praying to God to please come and save me, I plucked up the courage to walk into the Catholic Church and speak to God himself. (I was not allowed to go anywhere, have friends or speak to others…so it took a lot of courage.)
So I entered the Church and I met a Catholic priest that day – and to this very day, I know I met Satan himself. The priest I met that day must have thought it was a good day for him indeed…and that it didn’t get better than this…a Methodist walking into a Catholic Church begging for help.
This priest had his own private confession system set up for me. I spent every Friday afternoon for a year going back to his Church, and leaving after being raped, sodomized and tortured with Crosses and Rosary Beads.
The worst weapon of all that he had over me was fear. He told me that he could see me wherever I was and that if I didn’t come back each Friday, that he would set the Devil on me, who was much worse than my family or him! I needed to be exorcised of what my family was doing to me. The only way for him to do that, was to do exactly the same thing to me.
The Catholic Church took the only one hope I had left to me in my life. My faith in God. I still believed in God that first day I walked into that Church.
What price would it be for the Catholic Churches robbing of an eleven year old girl of her faith?
What price would it be for a Priest to lose his faith?
What price would it be for a Bishop to lose his faith?
What price would it be for a Pope to lose his faith?
Do any of these men have the right to judge me, and to think that their faith, is more important than mine ?
I was an eleven year old girl who grew up in the most deplorable circumstances imaginable and when I turned to the Catholic Church for help I became a Sex Slave. Worse than that, I became a Sex Slave to a man I thought was God and who didn’t love me, and a Church who hid me and my dirty little secrets.
In July /August 2016, I will be speaking to one of the Royal Commissioners in Brisbane, Australia. I will be telling my story.
I will be doing it not just for me but for those who have come before me, for those who are standing up now and especially for those who can’t stand up for themselves.
You are not alone. I understand the pain and the torment Sexual Abuse can take of you. I live it still, day to day, just like you.
I see you.
Be kind to yourself,
Love Big Fat Dee