At 50 years old, or 50 years young I have decided to put mouse to screen and share my story with you. My story is just that My Story, its no better, no worse, and I know you have your own story to tell.
This Is My Story…
My life thus far is a BIG FAT LIE. A whopper, a cover up, a game I play with everyone I know, nearest and dearest and anyone else who crosses my path. Smoke and mirrors.
I am the smiling Assassin. I taught myself to smile when I meet people, to compliment them and to keep eye contact with them, and to win them over with my total attention to every word they say, added with a healthy dose of humor. 😀
Just like you, I have baggage, boy do I have Baggage. I could make a Handbag shop look like a coin purse. And I have been dragging this Red Hot Mess around with me for 50 years.
Well I’m done dragging that ‘Bag’ around, it wears me out, I am sick to death of it, and I know you are sitting their with your Baggage, saying your singing my song sister. You bet your cotton socks I am! I am one of the thousands of people out there, who hides, who pretends she fits in, who pretends to be the cool kid, who loves you to death…but if you scratched beneath the surface, you would see my Big Fat Lie.
I feel until now I have been one of those painted horses on a carousel. I go up and down just like the other horses, have a ‘painted on’ big smile like all the other horses, but its day in and day out, day in and day out.
Its time for me to jump off that carousel and run with my story!
Understanding MY BIG FAT LIE is easy, every part of MY BIG FAT ‘LIFE’ has been hard.
Nothing ever comes easy to me, and I know you are with me, on that one. Life is hard, and does not ever seem to get easier.
We are judged, we are labeled. If you are not a supermodel or a musclebound demi god, then there must be something wrong with you…or so it feels.
Let me tell you there is nothing “’wrong with you”. You are not a sheep, you don’t have to join the human robots of this world and morph into some carbon copy of what you see all over the Internet. You don’t have to take 29 selfies a day, to make sure you get the right angle, or to put another photo of yourself on your social media page…which then exposes you to ‘Idiots and Trolls’ who have nothing better to do than tear you down…and inflate their own egos.
I know I will get the ‘Haters and Trolls’. However, if any ‘Haters and Trolls’ are reading right now…you have nothing that hasn’t been said to me or done to me a thousand times before. So give it your best. If hating on me makes you feel a bigger person, well my friend, you have made my day because you have made yourself feel better about yourself and that is what I am all about.
Now this old dog has learned a few tricks. 😉
I am 123kgs or 270.6lbs.
Check out my photo gallery and you will see for yourself. All photos have been taken (like the one on this page) by my best friend…I call her Tinkerbell. There has been no Photoshop or enhancements made…just a good ole camera be it good bad or ugly.
I have tried every diet ever, bought every bit of Gym Gear, had Gym membership cards which I could have played cards with all my cards! Plus, for a period of six months, I even had a personal trainer.
I had everything the diet industry could throw at me, and the only thing I didn’t get was the T-Shirt, LOL, they didn’t make it in my size! 😛
In my opinion…diets don’t work!! Lifestyle changes is just a posh term for diet. Now I certainly do not condone my weight, and I wouldn’t recommend it either, but after 50 years of trying everything known to mankind, I now know what works for me. The important question is, “What works for you?”
I don’t eat vegetables, I hate them!
I don’t own a juicer, not an old one, nor a new one.
It seems to me the juicers people bought six months ago, are now old hat because the new juicer is now so much more powerful…haha…it could rocket it’s way to Mars, extract red ‘Mars’ dust, turn it into a Super Dooper Juicer and mix in Kale, Quinoa, and Goji berries, and to top it all off, you would lose 100lbs in three months, be rocking the body of a Uber Supermodel, strutting your way down a Paris runway with a pair of Wings on your back!
Don’t forget those 29 selfies you could take of yourself in your undies and wings…OMG!
Now if you are still with me, mental illness is a huge part of ‘My Big Fat Lie Story’.
I have PTSD with Chronic Depression, and here is the kicker, the love of my life, is Bi Polar, also with Chronic Depression. Now we didn’t know this about each other when we met. How’s that for a ‘Power Combo’ to put in your Super Dooper Juicer, and turn out ‘A Big Hot Fat Red Mess’, but I still want those Angel wings.
My other BIG FAT ISSUES which have made me live a BIG FAT LIE (to hide my true self)…include:
- A victim of incest (will be addressed in the easiest way I can) which led to 50 years of ‘self harm’
- Body issues along with a lack of self respect and self-confidence
- My big fat self and my big fat family
- My ‘Mother The Torturer’ (this will also be addressed with sensitivity).
- As mentioned, Depression and PTSD.
If I have left anything out…it will come soon enough.
What’s happening to me now? I know it’s probably happening to you too!
Right now I am battling with menopause, those awful hot flashes, hair thinning, facial hair, turkey neck (I thought they were only for turkeys…) wrinkles, stretch marks, an overbite that could make people say ‘You could murder a green apple!’ Oh yes…and there’s more.
I am also going to be sharing a few of my fave recipes.
Plus, my tips on Goat Wrangling — Wait what? — No Goat Wrangling….just kidding. 😛 Goat…kid…oh boy…
Now for the disclaimer bit. I am not a Doctor, Psychiatrist, Psychologist, Counselor, or Healer. I can’t make your pain or mine go away…although I wish I could…and maybe you will find something in my words that will help YOU.
I am just wanting to share my Big Fat Lies with you and hope you find something in My Big Lies, that you can relate to, and together “Lets Turn Our Big Fat Lies Into Our Big FAT Happiness!”
Sending you love and be kind to yourself,
Big Fat Dee